The unbearable dichotomy of life

With success comes failure
With love comes hurt.
But neither is good,
And neither is bad.

Can I experience life without these tests?
You ask me, I'd say yes.
When I want to be numb,
I'd go for a run.
There is still a heart that beats,
Yes - thank God, He is here.

Can I experience life without these tests?
My heart is aching to death.
Who wants to be lonely,
Who wants to avoid ev'rybody?

I have nobody to blame,
But myself for feeling the pain.
If there is a hole to see my heart,
Please tell me if it's no longer dark. 

Catching a bus that I am never supposed to board

Elevan at night
Anxious to go home
My home is my comfort
Its not as cold

I run run run and run
Wave at you
But you drove faster
You didnot see me

I figure I am just lost
You are never meant to be

If I were to board the bus
I would have been standing here
If you were to take me
You would have been able to see

Am I lying or not
your intention is clear
We can only be friends
Though I hold you dear

The next one will come
It may take some moment of wait
I am sure it will come

papa

I used to long for your loving hand to hold,

but I was met with a burning cigarette.

The ink that was splashed onto the wall,

Your words of unlovingness,

are imprinted in my heart even after our home was sold.

Comparison, criticism, 

Under the shadow of the other people's daughters,

We were never good enough for you to boast.

Threats of killing us with you,

Fights with my hopeless mother,

All but left me with scars of an unhappy marriage,

Which I experienced like a first person.

But we left you, crying in your soul.

Phone calls for you stopped.

We change to names you are never told.

When I grow old, you are like my ghost.

The unexplainable fear kept me limping.

How are you, my father?

I look for traces of love in my childhood,

and I could only find hatred that a 5-year-old cant explain.

How are you, my father?

Is love ever too late, for you and for me?

Time can never be turned back but we can change our future.

As I grow older, you grow smaller.

The thought of regrets tormented me,

If only you did not make it so difficult,

to forgive and be healed;

If only you did not make it so heavy,

to see your weaknesses and tears.

If "love" is beyond my vocabulary, 

Please find it in my eyes.

It may be complicated, but it is here.

- Daphne, 1 December 2014